days 5 and 6

ok... in order to redeem myself... i'm gonna cram 5 days into 2 post. please bear with me as i try to make them as painless as possible for you. haha.

day 5 - my definition of L.O.V.E

hmm.. that's not a loaded thought or anything. i'll start with the basics i suppose. love is unconditional. love is understanding. it's waking up in the middle of the night to get cough medicine or pick you up from a bar because you're too drunk to realize what is going on. it's laughing at your silly stories. playing with your hair. holding hands. making babies. =)

acknowledging all the bad times, but focusing on all the great times. growing old together. kisses on the forehead. surprises. love is all the little things. love appreciates. love is passionate. it's intense and it's forever.

day 6 - my day

well.. it was class day, which means in order to be at class on time.. waking up at 6. that's about 15 minutes or so before baby Jesus gets up and personally, i don't like to wake up before baby Jesus. but things have to be done. so i showered and got ready for class. ate some grapes and watched "little people, big world" <-- (you should watch that there.. it's cute). then off to class. i'm a speeder... in the worst kind of way. i will ride your ass til you get over. yes, blog-land i know i should not do this.. i know it makes me an assh*le, however.. i haven't learned to control it. i'm sure baby Jesus has a lesson planned for me if i keep this up. what make it ironic is that i complain about these same drivers. (fail) anywho, i decided that i was only gonna ride the car in front of my like a rodeo for a little while because i had time and if he or she didn't get the memo to move bxtch then that was ok. i get to class 15 minutes ahead and proceed to chat it up with my lab partner... she laughs at everything i say. (it's weird, cuz i really don't believe i'm that funny) then our teacher walks into the "room".. he's a little younger than dirt and he laughs at things that aren't funny. he taught, i learned. then off to work... and here i sit, writing blogs for your viewing pleasure. (duece biglow voice)

the end! not bad right? right.

LOL. failed.

so basically, i've failed at keeping up with the 30 day challenge. lame.

there is good reason for it and i will do you all out there in blogsphere a solid by picking up where i last left off in one or two big congealed post. (can i even use congealed the way i just did?)

the good reason...

school just started and it takes up a considerable amount of my time, especially since i have both online and campus classes. in addition to that, i don't have as much free time at work. because i am either actually doing work (shocking, i know) or studying for class. once i get home, i'm attending to wifely duties, doing homework and/or studying and just being tired from the day.

so i do apologized that i have slacked. forgive me? *audience forgives cie*

thanks guys. you are the bee's knee. do bees even have knees?? even they don't... you just made them. yay you!

day 4- what you ate today

this one is short && sweet.

i ate a mcdonalds bacon ranch chicken salad with a dr pepper on the side

then a slice of pepperoni pizza and two garlic parmesan chicken poppers.

day 3- parents

ok, my dad is marc. my mom is shelly.

lol.

my mom did the best she could with the hand she was dealt. she lost her mother and son within two years of each other. she was the baby of her siblings, so she was used to being taken care of. we don't have the best relationship... by any scheme of the imagination. sometimes, i wish it were better but we are just too different and i don't see that changing. i prefer to call her shelly and not mom or any variation of that. she doesn't like it and i don't particularly care. i think she had our (my sister and i) best interest at heart. Liz inserts *side eye* i just don't feel she went about it the right way. but i digress. she gave me life and for that i appreciate her. i love her.

my dad is my right hand man. to be honest, that man can do no wrong to me. although, he does things i don't always agree with, he has always been there for me. i can talk to him about anything... when my husband is asking to be slapped in his sleep, i call my dad and he tells me that boys do stupid things and sometimes you just have to let them. then he proceeds to psuedo bash my husband with me. i love the guy! he's been supportive of all my decisions thus far... including moving half way across the country to be closer to my then boyfriend at 17. i miss him everyday. he knows that i will make the best decision for me and he allows me to make mistakes even if he sees them coming.. and when i fxck up, he is there to make it right and not judge. i appreciate him for allowing me to be me. he has helped me become the ambitious person i am today. i will forever be grateful that Baby Jesus has blessed me with this man for a father.

my brother...

today, i was hit with an overwhelming dose of sadness, i woke up from my sleep with tears streaming my face. it was powerful and scary all at the same time.

i had a dream about my deceased brother and it was... surreal. my brother has been decease for almost 10 years and although, i do miss him. i don't think of him much consciously. at the time of his death, we weren't really that close. we didn't fight all the time or anything... we just weren't as close as we had been when we were younger. as a kid growing up, my brother was my best friend, my idol. i remember waiting by the door for him to come home everyday after school. if he was even a minute late, i would throw a fit and i'd worry that something had happen to him. we were really tight. even as time went on and he got a little bit older, he still made time for me. then, we moved away from the neighborhood we grew up in and things changed... in a real bad way. he didn't have the time or the patience for me anymore. he wanted to stay out and hang with his friends. mind you, there is about a 6 year age difference between us, but still i felt entitled to his time because i was there first and he was my best friend. he, unfortunately, did not share my same train of thought and got caught up with the wrong type of people, who did the wrong kinds of things. i started to resent my brother for how he acted towards me.. like what about me? didn't i matter to him anymore? anyways, i did everything i could to piss him off enough to where he would pick fights with me, so i could get him in trouble and make him have to stay home with me. i had my little sister around to help plot and scheme... it only worked some of the time though. i think he eventually caught on. soon, i just gave up. he wasn't the same person to me anymore, i didn't understand it at the time, but he felt he needed to grow up. in a way, he did... but he went about it the wrong way. he got involved in a gang. i think that i didn't want to believe that my brother could be stupid enough to do that, so i ignored it. i would ask him all these questions about where he was going and who with... he would brush me off and tell me to mind my own business and eventually, i did. after that, things between us were never the same.

my brother had this girlfriend and she was very nice, despite my brother telling her that she didn't have to be. she always spoke to me and my little sister and bought us things, nothing major but still. i really liked her. i do believe that had my brother lived, they would have stayed together. anyways, it was her grandparents anniversary party and she had come over to get him so they could celebrate with her family, i remember sitting there watching a movie with my mom and her boyfriend at the time, he came out of his room and told my mom where he was going and said he'd be back later. my mom said ok. i said to my brother, good-bye markel... he looked at me and said see ya later. now, usually as a kid who had this rivalry with my brother... i never called him by his name.. it was either "booty-head" "stupid" or "ugly" and i never said good-bye... always bye. i didn't know at the time, but that was the last time i would ever speak to my brother again.

in December of 2000, my brother was shot and murdered outside of his girlfriend's parents' home. everything that day happened so quickly that it's all kind of a blur. after he left, we continued to watch our movie, about 25-30 minutes later, the phone rings. i answered and it's his girlfriend on the other line, she says to me, "put your mom on the phone, markel's been shot." at first, it didn't register in my mind but i did as she asked. i told my mom, "kiera is on the phone, she said markel got shot." i heard the words come out soo shallowly. my mom looked at me, trying to register what i had just said.. she jumped up and exclaimed "what?" as she reached for the phone. i barely listened to her talking as i tried to come to terms with what i just said... how was it possible that the person i just saw no more than half a hour ago had been shot. my mom told her boyfriend what she knew and they left. she asked me to ask my aunt to watch us until she got back. i agreed. now, from the calmness that she embodied at the point, i thought, it must not be that bad. i went outside to tell my little sister and cousin what i had heard and we just collectively brushed it off. we started to play our games... next thing i know, another close family friend comes rushing through our buildings gate yelling for me.. saying "WHERE IS YOUR MOM?? YOUR BROTHER WAS SHOT IN THE HEAD!!"

the world paused or at least that was what it felt like to me. i told her she had already left... she said ok and said that we were going to stay with her. at that point, all i was thinking was how is it that my brother could get shot in the one place that death was almost certain? my mom was too calm for that to have been the case... she had to be mistaken. i sat frozen for a long time because i needed to register what was taken place. i don't really think i believed her because i didn't cry. i just sat and then asked how she knew. she said that she had been driving home from the back way and noticed a huge crowd of people, so she asked her niece to get out the car and go see what happened and she had agreed. she walked over and saw what i presumed to be my brother laying on the ground with his girlfriend holding him and crying. she said that he was spitting up blood and that it was just too sad. i didn't want to believe what they told me until i heard from my mom. so i just acted like it wasn't true. at some point, my mom called our family friend and asked if we could stay with her until everything was taken care of, she of course agreed.

she said that we should just pray and that was exactly what we did. we spent the night at her house and the next morning my mom had called for me and my little sister to come home. we walked out of our friend's house and i saw three boys that my brother used to hang out with standing in a circle off to the side, i didn't realize it then, but they knew something that i was about to find out. when we got home, my mom's boyfriend was sitting on the couch, he looked at us and said good morning and said that my mom was in her room. me and my sister walked back to her room, saw her sitting on her bed and seen her crying. we rushed to her and said don't cry mommy. she then told us that our brother had died. i remember looking her in the face and just crying and shaking my head. i couldn't believe he was really gone. i know we didn't always get along but that didn't mean i didn't want him around. i got up from her bed and ran out of my house... i walked to my cousins house and as i passed those three boys again, one of them asked if i was going to be ok and offered to give me a hug. i said yes, but declined his hug because he wasn't the one i wanted to be hugging. after that, i don't remember much except the funeral and then yeah. there were days where i wished i would have tried to get him in trouble, just because he would have had to stay to clean or something. my brother was only 17 when he died. he wasn't even able to buy cigarettes, join the military without parental permission and he was dead.

i don't know what made me dream of my brother today. i do know that i loved him more than i told him and that i miss him everyday.

day 2- your first love

simple put, that man up there holding me ever soo gently, is my first LOVE. he is my best friend... he's my husband, Dre.

it's crazy to think just how far we have really come as a couple. i met him my freshmen year of high school (his senior) and from the moment i saw him, i was intrigued. (corny but true)

i was new to the school and the way that things were done there. they rode buses to and from home... i never needed that service before, so i was nervous about missing the bus and what not. anyway, i get to the bus and take a seat. people start coming on and sitting down, talking to the friends and whatever.. none of them paid attention to me. i was just the new girl. then, he gets on the bus... and i thought to myself.. Liz, he's looking kinda right.. right?? she of course agrees. LOL.

anywho, he comes walking down the aisle and he stops right in front of me... he stated that i am new, he doesn't ask but i confirm his statement by saying yeah. he nods and says hello. i say hi back and he goes about his business. now, of all the kids who walked on to this bus, he was the only one who spoke to me and that peaked my interest even more. now, i could tell you that i did everything i could short of actually just going up to him to get him to notice me.. but i'd be a damn lie and Liz just doesn't like that. i was waay to shy and don't do being rejected. plus, it seemed to me at the time, that he was already involved. all i did up until the time that we actually started really talking was saying hi to him every morning and drive my friends crazy with how much i liked him. hell, i didn't even know his name until right before we started dating... i had asked once and he told me "Buzz Lightyear" (yeah.. the astronaut from Toy Story) *Liz shakes her head* so that's what i called him.

what happened next... would and should have got the taste slapped out of his mouth... however, i was infatuated with him, so all i did was laugh and take it. after getting in trouble with our bus driver, i was forced to sit towards the front of the bus, because apparently, in the back of the bus, i would lose myself and Liz would start showing her ass. but i digress. one morning, he gets on the bus, we exchange pleasentries and he proceed to the back of the bus. our bus was pretty crowded and we still had one more stop... we get to our next stop and a kid is left standing. Dre tells the kid to go ahead and take his seat... he has a better sit in mind. He, then proceed to come up to me and seat in my lap. i blush unmercifully and ask him why is he sitting on my lap? he stated because he wanted the best seat on the bus. i smh and smile. and from that point on... it was pretty much a done deal. he probably knew he had me. we exchanged numbers and he started hanging out at my table... making his acquaintance with my friends and what not. we wrote each other letters like everyday.. just another way of getting to know each other. eventually, my friend Jen asked me why we weren't going out yet.. i said probably because i haven't told him that i even like him and he hasn't asked. she proceeds to yell at me in a loving way that only my little angry asian friend could and demands that i call him on 3-way. not thinking about what could happen from this demand, i do. and... she put all my business on BLAST. just everything. as much as i hated her for doing it... i love her more than she'll ever know for it too. because, surprise surprise, he was digging me too and we have been a couple pretty much since.

day numero uno- introduce thyself

where to start...

my name is Cierra or Cie for short. i don't have one that i prefer. then there is the person who embodies the niggahdom that is my life... Liz. (she lives in my head) but she is cool people. i am married... which currently means that i have to follow my husband wherever his job takes him. he's one of the few, the proud.. a Marine. i work full time.. well not really. but yeah. i'm also a college student working towards a degree in radiology. (woo!) despite that fact that i look like a twelve year old... i AM of legal drinking age.

that is all.